Because my mother refused and my father had just moved West to start a new business and the bank wouldn’t allow him, my grandmother signed for my student loan.
Correction – she attempted to sign for my student loan.
I remember sitting beside my grandmother in a large bank building downtown and being told that my grandmother (a woman who had a career and now a pension and at many points in their lives made more money than my grandfather) needed to go home and get my grandfather to sign for what was at that time $6500.
In the van on the way home to get my grandfather, I knew my grandmother wanted nothing more than to go back to that bank and tell them exactly what she thought of their treatment of her. But she didn’t because she knew, that student loan would mean the difference between me being able to go to the university of my choice instead of the university of my mother’s choosing.
We got my grandfather and he went and signed the papers my grandmother told him to.
It was a ridiculous situation and yet over a decade later I feel like I am living it every time my husband and I get mail from the credit card company we currently deal with and the credit card companies who would like to deal with us.
To give you a brief picture, my husband and I have one joint chequing account where we do all of our spending from. We have owned every single large purchase together including cars, houses and debt for twelve years. We do however have separate credit cards though they are from the same bank.
Still, it is not uncommon for him to get letters from the bank offering a credit limit increase and I have never (not once!) received one.
Yesterday, we both received new credit card offers from another large bank and my husband’s letter included a pre-approved 5 figure credit limit. My offer was for their basic card and instructions to call for credit limit approval.
Certainly, my husband has a wonderful credit score – but it has been tied to me for over TEN YEARS! Trust me, my credit score is just as good as his.
On top of that, for more than twelve years I have made more money than my husband and for the last eight months he hasn’t brought home a single pay cheque because we moved across the country for a job opportunity for me (can we just take a moment to say YAY for supportive husbands!).
Even the spending in the household is done primarily by me including groceries, household necessities, dance (hundreds of dollars a month – but don’t get me started), all the other kids’ activities and necessities and the majority of booking of vacations, travel and all the extra things.
I am both the breadwinner and the spender in our family. I am among the 1/3 of women (according to Time and Macleans Magazines) that make more money than our husbands. This is not an unusual situation (nor was it when my grandmother sat in that bank in the late nineties).
Is it just me or do the banks need to get with this not-so-new reality? Am I the only one getting mail that clearly indicates my husband’s business (with his smaller income and limited spending in comparison to mine) is more important than mine?
There is however one good thing (actually two) that came out of my grandfather signing for my student loan. Every single month for the many years it took me to pay off a total of $13,000 in student loans I received a bill in the mail addressed to me with my grandfather’s name below mine. It was a reminder that my grandparents loved and supported me and would help make any of my dreams a reality. Second, this monthly bill reminded me the importance of a woman being self-sufficient both financially and emotionally.
Maybe it’s time the banks took a few lessons from my grandmother.
I think sometimes they are sexist and sometimes it may be based on who was/is listed as the primary account holder, even if the account is joint. My husband immigrated to Canada when we got married and I simply added him to my accounts. We have had joint accounts for more than 15 years, but my name is the first one listed on the credit card bills, the chequing account and the mortgage. When offers come to our house, they are generally addressed to me.
If the two of you sat down and opened your accounts together, rather than one of you being added to the other one’s account, then it may simply be the decision (sexist, alphabetical, income-based, or whatever) that the bank manager at the time made about who to list first on the account that affects the offers you get.
Thanks for the comment Annie – it’s made me think about every single time I’ve signed my name to some kind of bank paper either above and below my husband’s name. Some of the mortgages we’ve had I was first, others he was. All of the cars we bought (except the most recent one because Hubby didn’t have a job) his name was first. The chequing account we have now I am pretty sure was my account and I added him to it. As for the credit cards they are separate – we both have our own – not joint at all just through the same bank.
I can’t really figure it out but it irritates me every single time we get offers from the same company – his is always for something better and/or higher credit limit.
I can absolutely see why this would be frustrating. However, my experience has been different. Like Annie’s husband, I moved here from another country (the U.S.) and I was added to my husband’s existing accounts. I also started my own credit card account and made it joint with my husband, just as he did with his accounts for me.
My account was, by far, the faster to grow a credit limit than my husband’s. Oddly, I had zero credit history in Canada when I arrived, but I was given a fairly significant credit amount the first time I applied. It doubled within a year or two, where DH’s account was much slower to grow. The accounts were with different banks, so perhaps it’s just a difference in policy/practice. I have no idea.
My greatest frustration has been when I *want* my husband to be able to call to make changes (to help me out) and I have to practically beg them to give DH authority. That was kind of the whole point of making the accounts joint. We wanted free and easy access in case something happened to either one of us.
I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the old archaic policies live on inside of banks – they are pretty slow to change. But I think some of it could simply be coincidental.
Oh my, Maija.
I love this for the way it’s written, how strong you sound, and the points you make.
But the fact that it’s necessary and prevalent today – ugh. That’s just gross.
{Fab, important post, girl!}
Banks are stupid. Ours called to talk to my husband, he conferenced me in. They asked him questions, he stumbled, I filled in. The caller snippily told me to not talk. They asked him more questions that he could not answer ( what is our credit limit, what bills do we preauthorize pay etc). It is a joint account but I am our banker – making sure we have no overdraft, bills are paid etc. So he has no clue, which we both know, hence me conferenced in. But after the Snippy Blocker, I stayed silent – on the answer part, I still giggle/snorted at her frustration and may have snottily said ” see, that is why you shouldn’t have shushed me” I mean I get that they have protocol, but they weren’t asking his secret password – it was questions of course a joint owner would have access to! And unless they were doing voice analysis on his answers, it was all questions I could have fed answers to any guy if I was wanting to steal (my own) money! Stupid. Especially since after all that and the third degree – it was just to inform him that his card had been used at a ” coromised” location so they were sending a new one! So (1) why the verification third degree – if he had been my neighbour impersonating my husband who cares, the card was being mailed registered mail to my husbands address and (2) if HE is conferencing me in, that is his consent to let me participate, what is the diff of me answering vs being online at our banking site and just showing him the answers to spew out?