What would you need your daughter to know if something were to happen to you? What would you want to say if you weren’t here to tell her? After finding a letter I wrote to Sugar Plum in 2004 when she was not even a year old I knew I wanted to share what I would say to my daughter (and now to both my daughters) with all of you. I then invited four other fabulous women to share their own advice, fears and above all love with letters to their daughters which I will publish here for all of you each day this week. To read from the beginning please click here.
Today’s guest blogger is Kelly from Dances with Chaos.
Kelly K is the SAHM for The Tackler and Lil’ Diva: Her days are spent keeping her (almost) 4 year old son from squashing his 15 month old sister and rescuing her daughter from plummeting while table top dancing. In between catastrophes – as laundry and dishes are strategically ignored – Kelly squeezes time for blogging about her daily dances with chaos. Website: http://danceswithchaos.wordpress.com/
A Letter to My Angel Kiss -
As I write this, you are my 15 month old Lil Diva – you know what you want, when you want it and voice your displeasure at top volume should anyone fail to yield to your sometimes undecipherable requests.
You aren’t talking yet, not really. A few words are distinguishable to us, but not to outsiders. You also execute the cutest dog bark I’ve ever seen – even though dogs continue to scare and fascinate you simultaneously.
You adore your brother – in spite of the occasional tormenting and tackling at his hands – and want to do everything he can do. You show no fear in exploring the heights of the picnic table, playground, couch, or anything else your brother ventures to climb.
His name was your true first word.
You charm everyone you meet via wave, adoring grin, and blown kisses. People can’t help but smile back at you.
Your indomitable spirit, as your brother tackles you yet again, is indestructible.
Your Mimi says you’re just like me, which both terrifies and delights me.
Right now life is so simple. Everyone loves you and you have no concept of the cruelty in the world. Teething is your biggest enemy.
Sadly, it will not always be this way.
When I discovered you were a girl, I was scared. Petrified. Not for me, but for you.
Because some day, I will not be the center of your universe – your friends will be – and little girls are one of the Top 10 Meanest Creatures on the planet. Their weapon of choice? Psychological Warfare.
I hope I am still here for you to talk to, to love you unconditionally, and support you through those difficult years.
If, heaven forbid, I am not, I need that indestructible spirit you show me every day to shine through.
No matter what your supposed friends, enemies, or frenemies say or do to you – please remember you are loved for the unique person you are.
You always will be. Even if I have to love you from the heavens above.
I suffered the loss of my best friend when I was in the sixth grade. She didn’t die or anything. She just stopped talking to me. Along with the rest of the group I believed to be my friends.
I was alone. Depressed. How could the people I trusted just suddenly leave me? No fight or argument. Just one day, they pretended I didn’t exist.
It was like my world ended.
And I didn’t want to be there anymore. Not in school. Not living with the ache of it all.
One thing stopped me from doing something horrible, like taking my own life.
My mother, your Mimi.
I knew she loved me. I knew if anything happened to me, it would devastate her.
And I loved her too much to hurt her that way.
She gave me the strength to hold my head high and hope for a better day – even though I never told her about the drama unfolding.
I want you to know that you have my stubbornness. My strength. I see it behind the gleam of your eyes as you set a goal for yourself.
One morning you determined you would master transitioning from squatting to standing without the aid of a person or an object. Three hours later you stood without any help for the very first time – refusing to be beaten by the countless falls onto your butt and multiple crashes onto your head. You cannot only survive, but thrive with whatever anyone tosses your way.
Sure, you will fall and falter at times as you take on another daunting task – seeking challenges is in your nature.
Just know that if you topple from whatever is your current Picnic Table Climbing Challenge, you are loved – even if for some reason we are no longer in this world you occupy.
By your Daddy: who currently has no issues debasing himself via contorted faces in public – all to elicit a hysterical giggle or smile from you. Just remember, Daddy is a guy. Guys can be horrible at verbal communication. Dragging out “feelings” or “what he’s thinking” can be more difficult than making it snow during a Texas summer. If you ever have issues talking with him, try writing him a letter, an email, or whatever the preferred written communication is by that time. It’s the best way to “talk” to him, especially if he’s in a mood. Keep in mind that you will always be his baby girl, his Lil Diva – and no person, place, or thing will ever make him stop loving you – even if his affection is less overt when you’re a teen or adult.
By me: whose heart melts every time you lay your head on my shoulder and wrap your tiny arms around my neck. Sometimes I wish I could freeze you this way, this Mommy snuggle monster who demands I plop onto the ground so you may in turn crawl into my lap. At the same time, I can’t wait to see you grow and develop into a little girl, a gawky teenager, and finally a woman. Maybe even a mother someday.
I just don’t want to lose those hugs in the process. Those hugs are like being hooked into a million volt battery – they fill me with enough energy to deal with anything life tosses my way.
By your brother: Sure he tortures you at times – I’m told that is written into a Super Secret Brotherly Codes of Conduct by reputable sources. It is how a brother demonstrates he cares about you. The joy on his face when he succeeds in making you laugh is a sight to behold – one I never tire of. While he is often the instrument behind your torment, he also protects you. Should your daddy or I take too long in responding to your cries, he will take the initiative to calm you and bring the smile back. I hope someday you are not just siblings, but friends who will be there to support each other through the joys and pitfalls of life.
By your Mimi: Mimi battled cancer when I was only seven years old. I almost lost her. At one point she never thought she’d live to see her daughters married, much less any grandchildren.
The joy you brought into Mimi’s life – and all of your grandparents and great grandparents really – is truly amazing. She and the others live for those moments they get to spend with you and your brother. They hate the long distance between us and anxiously countdown to the next visit.
If for some reason, I am not around and Mimi still is, know that you can talk to her about anything – no matter how traditionally taboo the topic. Don’t let her grandmother status fool you – she’s still an amazing woman whose bountiful love for you could never be contained or diminished.
So keep dreaming big – even if those around you shake their heads at the sheer impossibility of success.
You’ve already proved us wrong countless times and you’re only 15 months old.
So no matter how insurmountable a dream or problem may be, know that you have people in your life to hold your hand, talk to you, or just listen to you as you contemplate the best way to achieve or solve it.
And you will solve it.
It just may take longer than the three hours it took you to stand on your own.
I love you, Angel Kiss.
-Mommy
Kelly! What a wonderful letter. As you know, I have two girls and I worry all the time about leaving them before I have a chance to unload years of advice and encouragement. A few years ago, I woman at our church was losing her cancer battle. And as I stood across from her in the sanctuary, singing praise songs that seemed out of place at that moment, I couldn’t help but start crying. I had heard that she had written letters to all of her children for all of their big life events – turning 16, graduating highschool, graduating college, getting married and even having their first babies. It broke my heart. Perhaps I should sit down and write one of these letters too. Thanks for the inspiration.
- Emily
Thanks Emily!
I can’t take the credit for this idea, that’s all Maija’s (it did occur to me while pregnant, but I was more concerned about her welfare, not my own). Making myself write something so emotional and gut wrenching was very challenging (and hard on a box of Kleenex’s). I probably would have procrastinated doing so without her deadline looming above my head.
I can only imagine what the woman in your church is going through, knowing that her letters will most likely be her only way to communicate with her children during those life events. It is heart breaking.
As I wrote this it hit me again how close I came to losing my own mother at such a young age – and how different my life would’ve been without her.
For that alone, I’m glad this letter now exists. Just in case.
I’m glad I inspired you. Thank you for reading!
Wow is all I can say, I have tears in my eyes along with a huge smile on my face. That was absolutely beautiful. My sister and I lost our mom almost 6 years ago suddenly to cancer, a cancer that we didn’t know she had until 3 days before she passed. I would have loved to have a letter like this from her, even though I know she loves us more than the world itself but I felt like I had lost some of my strength. If god forbid something would happen your daughter would read this and still have your strength in your words. I cannot begin to express to you how special this letter is and would be to your daughter, to have your words, your emotion, your love to keep with her forever and ever. I absolutely love this letter and you have inspired me to do the same for both of my children.
Smile~Jamie
Jamie – Thank you so much for commenting and saying that.
It’s never easy to lose a loved one – and I feel when it is sudden and you have no time to prepare yourself, the initial tidal wave of sorrow is even greater.
Your words on how my daughter will view this letter are like a balm to my soul – my goal in writing this was reached. She will know that she is loved and was my Angel who could thrive no matter the odds – even if I’m not around.
And as a writer, one of the biggest compliments you can receive is to inspire someone (in my opinion). With this one letter, I have inspired at least two of you. It gives me hope that one day, maybe writing could be more than just an outlet in my life. So thank you for that as well.