UPDATE
I want to thank everyone for their comments. In a moment of frustration and working mom guilt I typed out the words below. Your comments helped me re-think what was really important to me when it comes to daycare for my children and also that Montessori (while the only “other option” we know) there may be other centres out there and I just need to find the right one for us. THANK YOU! Big huge internet hugs for all of you!
I am a Montessori mom. I went to Montessori, Sugar Plum went to Montessori, Bugaboo went to Montessori and Sweet Pea was enrolled to start… until we moved.
I knew that with this move would come sacrifices – school being one of them. The school system is different here. While Bugaboo spent one month in the school system back home, here Kindergarten starts one year later so both Sweet Pea and Bugaboo needed pre-school.
And the coveted Montessori school I love so much – they all have a 2 year wait list.
We enrolled them in the first daycare we liked that had space. But after three months of full-time daycare for both Bugaboo and Sweet Pea I truly see the difference a Montessori education makes.
In July 2010 after Bugaboo’s first year in Montessori I posted excerpts from his report card including: Bugaboo can identify primary, secondary and tertiary colours, identify geometric shapes such as cone, cube, sphere and cylinder and that he thoroughly enjoyed working on the five classes of vertebrate (fish, amphibian, reptile, bird and mammal). As I am typing this Bugaboo is sitting on my lap pointing to animals in a book and rhyming them off in French. Cochon is his favourite.
Yesterday when I picked him up at daycare his teacher told me that he had a “meltdown” when they transitioned from play time to guess what… more play time in another corner of the classroom.
We got into a conversation about the structure of the day, the activities in the classroom and the fact that playing with toys ALL DAY was sometimes what happened. My son has never been in an environment where toys were an option all day. Not even at home. The only toys he saw at Montessori were before the bell rang, during rainy days and after hours (end of school was 4pm but I didn’t usually get there until 5pm).
At home, there is toy playing time but there is also baking, trips out, engagement with adults and not just being left to play if that’s what he feels like doing day in and day out.
Don’t get me wrong. My children are well cared for, have made some nice friends and enjoy going to “school” most days. But if I asked Bugaboo what a vertebrate was right now he would have no clue.
Not that he needs to have a clue… he is only 4 after all. But the idea that he did know and now he is spending most of his time in a daycare where yesterday, based on my conversation with his teacher, he learned to dance on pennies as one of their activities honestly makes my brain hurt.
In September 2012 Bugaboo starts school full time at Sugar Plum’s school. We love her school. It’s small, has good leadership and great facilities. It makes me happy to walk in there and I gladly drop her off at school every day.
Sweet Pea however, has 2 more years of pre-school before going to Kindergarten and there is no way I am not going to at least fight to get her into a Montessori here. I know that one more transition will be hard on all of us but at this point I almost feel guilty dropping them off at daycare every day.
Actually, there is no almost about it. I feel guilty.
I feel guilty because working mom guilt never truly goes away but also because I know there is a better option. I know that if I am going to invest thousands of dollars every month into care for my children that at least it could be advancing them as individuals. At least it should be offering them more than what I could give them at home. At least they should be retaining knowledge instead of losing it.
Going to work every day is hard enough. I hate that dropping them off at daycare makes me feel like an even worse mom simply because I know there is a better option.
I hope you can find a better option. Montessori is EXTREMELY different than many typical preschools as you are clearly finding out. Good luck!
My heart hurts for you. Four is way too old to be playing all day-that’s what Junior Kindergarten is for. Are there no other preschools aside from Montessori? Maybe another daycare that offers Nursery School in the morning and daycare in the afternoon? You shouldn’t feel any guilt, though. You’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got available.
Sorry you’re having a hard time with your daycare situation. I do want to say though that not all daycares are the same. Ours has always had a great daily schedule that does include time with toys, but also includes crafts/art activities, reading, dramatic play, baking/cooking, and outdoor active play. They do neighbourhood walks including shopping activities in a local market with opportunities to discuss nutrition and learn math. They even keep a small vegetable and flower garden in the summer as a science and outdoor activity. There is constant learning there.
Best of luck with finding what you are looking for!
I was going to suggest what Mara said. Possibility of pre-school in morning and day care in the afternoon. Only thing is I put my son in pre-school last year to prep him for kindergarten. Now I find that he is just learning in JK all the same things he did in pre-school so like like I wasted a lot of money last year.
Also can you try finding a more structured day care?
My heart hurts for your’s, Maija. The guilt, the knowing that you want something different – it’s suffocating, isn’t it?
I have no advice, just some login’.
That has to be so difficult.
But I can tell you that he does know a lot of things.
I only worked part time for 2 years and decided that work wasn’t for me right now. So the Chunkster stays at home with me. When I was working, he went to Papa and Nana daycare
I’m sure though that I’m in for a rude awakening when he starts JK in September.
Meh.
Nana and Papa daycare is the best! I wish I could stay home with my children but unfortunately that is not an option for us. I don’t think you’ll be in for a rude awakening at all in September – in fact I bet that you’ve taught your son as much or more than he would learn in any Montessori through one on one interative play. However, the rude awakening might be in how much you miss him when he’s at JK
good luck!
I am going to play Devil’s Advocate because I have no idea what happens at my kids daycare. None. Other than I used two different home daycares with both kids, and in both places the kids are happy to be dropped off, happy when picked up, met all typical development milestones for their ages at doctor appointments, at some point learned to talk, learned to walk, and learned to socialize. I honestly don’t have high expectations when it comes to academia with daycares because that is not what I am hiring tham for – I meanI totally understand getting your moneys worth and making sure your kids are happy, but otherwise I honestly feel that kids will do what they want to do when they want to do it, and at some point if they have the genes it will all even out. My eldest as I said was in a home daycare and I even kept her *gasp* out of JK. And I feel zero guilt. Yes she was lagging a bit academically when she first started SK, but she quickly florished in that regard. Meanwhile her home daycare allowed her to have a more relaxed day, allowed her to form close friendships with peers but also spend time interacting with younger kids which may or may not have greatly helped her empathy and kindness with younger kids. She is one of the nicest, sweetest, kindest people I have met – maybe would have been anyway, but all our thoughts are speculation right? And I do think that the environment I chose for her formative years greatly helped th aspects of her character that would have been missed in a more academically prone environment. I also have friends and acquaintances that used Montessori and while the kids started out ahead in public school the others very quickly caught up … and surpassed. Do to me – I say make sure your kids are healthy, happy, well cared for, and know what they need, but no one answer will work for every kid, and no matter the start people get, there is always the opportunity to catch up …just ask Oprah
Oops, sorty for typos, one finger typing with iPad!
I totally agree with Kande. Studies have shown that children who were pumped full of info before starting school did no better academically than their other peers. It was also shown that they could not recall a great deal of the info they once had learned. What’s wrong with letting kids *gasp* play for the majority of the day? They only have a few precious years to enjoy free play before their entire day is structured and instructed away from them. I run an in-home daycare and I allow free play. I also bake, read, and work on basic skills. I say let kids be kids while they can. I don’t want my kids to become anxiety ridden, goal obsessed 45 year olds who realize they have no idea how to relax. Kids will be plenty busy once they start primary.
Yes, I love my home daycares! The second one is who taught my 2 year old her alphabet and to count to 20
No, I didn’t stress those things, why? Well, because until a kid can grasp the more abstract concepts of both ( and I have never met a toddler who could), both are basic memorization. I figured if she is happy, healthy, safe and developing as a toddler should that when it was time to pick it up she would. But then she surprised us by quoting them both one day. And yes it is cute to hear, and to see her accurately sort and count. But I honestly feel that unless I put her in a neglectful environment she would have done those things anyway. It is like potty training, some kids “learn” at 18 months but usually involves bribes, threats, accidents, and lots of adult help ( yes I know some kids are trained easily from an early age but that is rare) some kids learn at 3 but is in one day and then they are totally independent and accident free day and night.
Now I realize I can seem like I am criticizing Montessori and other such daycares, and totally acting like all home daycares are the same – which they aren’t – I am sure Lisa knows the obvious and subtle differences between an excellent home daycare (which hers sounds like) vs one where the caregiver dumps the kids in a room and doesn’t interact – but again, is more to highlight how we need to know our kids and what they want/need, while not undermining the benefits of a non-academic setting. You know your kid best, and if you think the issue is that he needs a better daycare/ preschool then switch for sure. After all I certainly think you are an invested and mom with excellent intuitive skills, so do not doubt your assessment that something is going on with your son. And I totally support notjust keepings kids in one setting because you started off there, but being in tune and checking in with how they are oing, and adjusting environments as needed. I guess my point is more for any readers who may read the post and then not consider alternatives to Montessori with an open mind. I have a friend who’s son is a precocious borderline genius and he certainly needs more structured academia to keep his interests and behaviour in check. Whereas I have other friends who’s kids are smart, but also more emotionally sensitive and did not flourish at all in academia but instead in a well structured but more relaxed setting, that involved more emotional bonding to caregivers and peers.
Hi everyone! Thank you so much for your comments. They truly made me reflect about what is important to me and why I am longing for this “Montessori education” so much right now. Kande and Lisa make VERY good arguments and remind me (while perhaps I didn’t express myself as well as I should have above) that it’s not that I don’t want my children to have the opportunity to play OR that I think my children will be smarter than their peers when they go to school. It’s that my son was happier at Montessori. He liked the structure. He liked the challenge. He liked to learn. I think these things can be provided at home, at a home care, at a preschool and yes even at a different daycare. For us, the place I know where these things are provided is at Montessori. But all of you are right that perhaps I need to investigate other nursary school/preschool/daycare options.
You’ve got me thinking ladies and I REALLY appreciate your advice, encouragement and reminders of what is important to me. It is not necessarily the education my children received at Montessori, it’s the experience and there are many places that could provide this.
Big huge hugs to all of you!
Oopsie, I should have waited then replied to this one but didn’t see it when I first started typing. See my comment to Lisa above. And don’t stress … you are great Mom, you know your kids, and really family environment is sooooo important and you have that down in spades! – your family has had a lot of recent changes for your kids to adjust to – maybe he was just having an off day ( my toddler love love LOVES daycare but will scream and freak on drop off if she had a rough night or is starting to get sick ( I never send them sick, I mean in the warm but not feverish, not eating lots but no puke or d/a, will be sick by end of day but just starting subtle symptoms sick)
Kande, it sounds like you are one smart lady. In my opinion development of healthy emotional/social skills are just as or more important than academic learning. I can bet your kids are quite well rounded in all aspects. Maija: You also seem like a really smart, well adjusted, and loving mother. I remember when I had my child in care and it was so frustrating to feel like she may not be getting the best care possible. I do agree that a preschool as opposed to a daycare would be required to step it up a notch in the education Dept. Maybe that may be the way to go. My only suggestion is when moving your kids be sure to handle with care. They spend a great deal of time in daycare and can become very attached to the friends and caregivers. I had a mother recently pull her two boys out of my daycare after being with me a year and a half with no notice because she didn’t agree with my illness policy. The poor boys didn’t even know they were not coming back and didn’t get to say goodbye to anyone. I cried for a week because I was attached and didn’t get closure with such a sudden departure. Now I am absolutely sure that most mothers, especially you, would not act so callously with their children’s feelings, it is good to acknowledge some of the strong bonds that have been built before moving them. I can tell you only want the very best for your kids while you are at work. Interview a lot of people and you may find a perfect fit. Good luck and thanks for keeping an open mind.
So true! I am thinking that in the interest of my son and the fact that we just moved 3000kms away from home AND he starts school in September I am going to keep him where he is. I agree, transitions can be hard on children and he’s had enough change for now. I would rather him be excited about starting kindergarten in September vs. being worried about ANOTHER change. As for my youngest daughter she is only 2 1/2 so she has 2 more years of child care before she goes to kindergarten. I am going to look for something new for her but am giving myself until September to do it. Therefore no rash decisions and lots of time to find the right option (and hopefully negotiate my way through the wait list!).
Sounds like a good plan. Where I live, a few home daycares are run by women who worked in the education field previously and have very academic programs. If you luck out and find one like that in a home daycare you may not have to deal with a waitlist. Here home daycares don’t have them and there is always availability but that may be different where you live. When my daughter was 4 I could not afford to send her to preschool so I ordered a bunch of workbooks and went through them with her a little each day. They school sent home a list of abilities they would like to see the kids meeting and so we worked on those after hours. Now (not to brag, but I am so proud of her) she is in the top 3 of her class. The sad thing is you see many poor children coming in to primary with no help from home at all. Some have never really held a pencil or were taught how to dress themselves. Very sad. Sound like your kids will excel with such a caring mom behind them.
I’m RIGHT there with you. I’m a Montessori Teacher, and my children don’t/can’t/won’t go to Montessori. It’s a matter of location, $, and keeping life simple. So, I have all these materials at our house. And you are right, learning happens the way it happens for your family. There’s nothing wrong with adding to their education in the ways you know best
That’s my life!